A very strange turn of events happened last week – and it’s all about CCTV cameras. Well, one camera anyway. I’d ordered a replacement security camera for the area which covers the back door. The order was placed with Apple for a Saturday delivery so I could enjoy the bad moods and blaspheming associated with my usual attempts at DIY over the weekend. Why ruin a week-day?
Mid-morning on Saturday, I checked the tracking link I had been sent – eager to discover when the package was due. I was shocked to discover that I had apparently already refused the delivery as the parcel was damaged. I confess I had consumed a modicum of red wine the night before, but not that much. Our doorbell isn’t the quietest of souls, and has had me scampering for suitable attire on many an early morning. Hmmm…what was afoot…?
Curiosity (anger and frustration) had me in a vice-like grip, so I checked the recordings from the front door CCTV camera to see a delivery driver had come to the house earlier that morning. He can be seen in glorious technicolor, replete in his splendid yellow and red livery, proudly holding what seems to be a pristine parcel. Ah, so close…that was the package I had been so eager to receive – hoping beyond hope that it would arrive early enough to factor in the inevitable disappointments and frustrations ahead of dusk and store closures. The front camera also records sound, and despite percussions low enough as not to raise a fruit fly from slumber, no one had answered his modest summons. The poor chap gave up – trudging back to his van in sad defeat.
Curiouser and curiouser.
Back to the tracking link I went once more, and clicked the ‘more’ option, upon which an image of a (now) less than pristine parcel taken from the footwell of a van appeared. What a convenient, almost manual, tear of packaging that seemed to be – coincidentally along the seam which you or I would commence opening procedures. How unfortunate that it happened in the short distance between door and van.
Great. An age spent talking to ‘friendly bots’ was coming my way…
To be fair to Apple, their bot was actually quite effective, and the human I was passed to made a profound and sincere apology, arranged for a replacement to be sent, and knocked £25 off as an apology. About ten minutes in the end – much less than I had feared.
How do you pronounce that?
Another less than comfortable start to the week in this heat. I mention this only to continue with the obsession with the weather which is mine by birthright. I was travelling back to London on the train again this week for more workshops. The train is normally comfortable, but the thought of the subterranean journey ahead was not one I was relishing!
I think there’s something comforting about the moment when you recognise members of the train crew -and they recognise you right back! Check me out – proper jet-setter. Windswept and interesting, that’s me!
Last week I noticed the menu had been changed. I was only going to have some fruit, I promise. The lightest option I could see was a ‘croque’, but I had no idea how to pronounce it. I did ask the crew member, but he just laughed in telling me he had no idea. How uncouth are we, I suggested. Same guy this week, same order, and we still have no idea how to pronounce the ‘croque’ in ‘BBQ chicken croque’, though.
Challenging challenges
I have a project (almost) completion session in a couple of weeks. I won’t bore you with the details, but the reason we’re convening is that we have a challenge from a client representative who doesn’t think, or want the technical work we require of them to ‘be that difficult’ or challenging. Wouldn’t life be great, if that was always possible, eh? The challenge with this challenge, is that we are really being challenged mentally on what the challenge is predicated on, or actually what challenge he is using in challenge. Challenging times.
5G – the technology, the capability, the myth, the legend
Spending a fair amount of time darn sarf in London Village, I’ve been frustrated of late with the lack of a signal at a small little backwater station down there. It’s a quaint little place called ‘Kings Cross’. You may have heard of it? The lack of punctuation has me fuddled still, and I can’t for the life of me decide whether the monarch is angry, or whether he owns a crucifix of sorts. Anyway, I digress. O2 clearly aren’t yet investing in the roll out of uninterrupted mobile phone coverage and bandwidth for this up-and-coming area with a population of a smidgen above 7m. Until they do, faraday cages abound and signals are poor. Book an Uber? No. Scroll the World Wide Web? Eventually. Use your phone as a hotspot? Hahahahahahah. Err, no.
A friend of mine is also experiencing the impact of operating in these smaller towns, and has decided to buy a dongle and a pre-paid SIM with a full two years of unlimited data using the Three network. Ah…but my iPhone is all singing and all dancing, and I can have multiple SIMs – even an eSIM (whatever that is). Whilst this is true, a SIM-only, unlimited data and calls deal from Three…isn’t actually unlimited. It’s called ‘unlimited’, but it’s limited, as it doesn’t include picture messages, attachments, or photos of your cat it would seem – which all incur additional costs.
I have got so used to actual unlimited packages that I don’t stop to question what I’m doing or sending (not like that, saucy!), as it is actually unlimited by cost. I never use public wifi for security reasons – so this approach is essential. So, I’ve also gone retro and bought a dongle and pre-paid SIM card. I’m ecstatic to report that it only blummin’ works! I could send emails without waving my hands in the air, and open a web page in under 5 minutes. No fear of additional costs – I don’t have a contract, and they don’t have my bank details. It will either send that cat photograph as an attachment, or picture message, or it won’t. Ah, modern technology.
I’m working in the northwest in a couple of weeks, staying in the sprawling metropolis of the Ribble Valley…I need to hedge my bets with mobile phone coverage. Wish me luck. I’ll keep you posted.
Out of the frying pan into the fire
Having spent an entire workshop in the comfort of an air-conditioned room this week, I thought it prudent to venture out in to the sunshine for a while. That was a huge mistake. Ten minutes into my gentle stroll and my clothes had found an affinity with my skin, and wanted nothing but prolonged and intimate contact. Ordinarily, the return ‘up north’ to The Shire brings a small reduction in temperature down to something more bearable. Not this week. There really wasn’t any relief. It was actually hotter than London in the East Midlands. My office was stifling, the garden a no-go-zone, and the kitchen a favourite Dante spot. Blinds closed against the sun did nothing for the temperature inside once darkness came, and the mercury steadfastly refused to fall below 27 degrees at midnight. That wasn’t a great night. I fear it won’t be long before air-conditioning will be added to the list of ‘all mod cons’ for houses in this country.
DIY Adventures
The replacement CCTV camera arrived on Thursday. I set out to install it at 1800hrs (once it was cool enough). You won’t believe what happened – but I assure you it is true. It all went smoothly and to plan, without a single hiccough. Installed and set up without any ado. I know, right?
